um. so when I’m going through a depresssive episode my brain tells me to
write down notes to convince myself that this is the truth like everything is
bad and nothing is worth it and I just realised like…
I’m not depressed at the moment like my mood has been so up for the past few months
Which is wild cause in like January I was sick with depression like I would
sit in the dark because i couldn’t see the point in turning on a light
Anyway. I thought I’d try and capture this nice mood as a way to prove to my brain
that you don’t have to be depressed (A note - this works individually-
for me I know for myself that slipping into bad brain habits and patterns and cycles can make
me feel bad so I need to try a little harder to feel gratitude and look after myself) (which is
difficult when you’re depressed ) (and future me who is depressed I know it’s
more complicated than that - i dont know what situation you’re in right now this is
just a reminder that life is very very long and this feeling cant last forever it has
an end and can result in something like this!) i wrote this as a way to try and communicate it
I am well and I wake up smiling
The light in my room looks good today. That plant is happy. Could do with some water. So could I!
I quench mr plant and then myself with a big cool glass because we deserve it.
Breakfast looks yellow, red, green, tasty, gooey, crunchy.
This blanket is very soft. Greta looks beautiful today and I love the way she
smiles as if she’s trying to show every tooth. I open a window and I thank god for her beauty.
Maybe I’ll call a friend. Maybe I’ll have a bath. Or paint. I’m pleased to be here.
That all might sound a bit fuckin Disney princessy but it’s just so
interesting to live in this truth of like I’m good! Everything is pretty nice. Everything
is an opportunity. And I could look deeper but why would I want to ruin this nice mood. I have
dark shit all around me to worry about all the time it’s not going anywhere and feeling awful
literally doesn’t help anyone. My friend Adam says that
everything is always a conversation away and that really soothes my anxiety.
If you’re in the hole, I know it well, and I’m sorry. try being kind to yourself. Don’t feel bad
if you can’t get here immediately you have to take it baby step by baby step and it’s not a smooth
journey you know its up and down all over the place but try and Find one tiny tiny tiny thing
you’re grateful for. My mum calls it a positive pot. and the end of the day
collect your positive pot and have a look at it. That pile will grow, if you feed it. I promise.
okay! just feeling nice. feels nice to feel nice and you know i dont wanna concentrate on it too
hard - i dont wanna be happy i dont wanna be sad i just wanna be! you know? just be. okay.
okay bye. Gret just showed me The orange. that sounds weird. every tooth.